Main Entry: 1pre·tend 
Pronunciation: pri-'tend
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French pretendre, from Latin praetendere to allege as an excuse, literally, to stretch out, from prae- pre- + tendere to stretch — more at THIN
transitive verb
1 : to give a false appearance of being, possessing, or performing <does not pretend to be a psychiatrist>
2 a : to make believe : FEIGN <he pretended deafness> b : to claim, represent, or assert falsely <pretending an emotion he could not really feel>
3 archaic : VENTURE, UNDERTAKE
intransitive verb
1 : to feign an action, part, or role especially in play
2 : to put in a claim <cannot pretend to any particular expertise — Clive Barnes>
synonym see ASSUME
I have been thinking……am I a “pretender”? Do I allow people to think something of me that’s not entirely true. I think we all, in our human ignorance and insecurity, struggle with that at times. For some, more often than others.
Well, the pretending (at least for today) stops here. The LORD reminded His children on their journey through the wilderness, “Today, if you hear His voice – don’t harden your heart.” That passage is noted again in Psalm 95 and in Hebrews 3 &4. Probably somewhere else, but I can’t recall at the moment.
I think we harden our hearts when, over and over, we are given the opportunity to stop pretending – but we don’t. We’re afraid if we do, then things won’t “be” what we want, think or believe they should be. Sounds like Satan lying to us. Trying to get us to buy into the “better hang on” philosophy instead of really allowing God to have His way. It’s hard work to stop pretending, especially if we’ve built our public image on a “pretended” foundation.
Life is a progression of seasons. Sometimes we stay in a mode too long – like an almost 43 year old (hello) with two kids in need of tummy tuck trying to wear pants that were designed for a teen who decided not to eat for the last two days. Not cool – BUT we can convince ourselves of anything if we surround ourselves with folks that want to wear the same thing – whether they’re built for it or not. (Hmmmmm…..can I get a witness?) LOL – I wonder if people look at me on my Harley and think, “wonder what that old lady’s doing on that softtail?” – however, I do choose to wear pants that fit! 
I read a quote from singer Sheryl Crow – she’s been through some tough stuff the last few years – dumped by Lance Armstrong and breast cancer – when she was asked if “she’d consider botox” (she’s mid 40′s like me) she said you can see the “unnatural look” that it leaves. She like me prefers to go natural (I haven’t released the hair yet, but i’m getting there) because life’s too short to just live in “pretend” mode.
I was reading that and thought – “so what about spiritual Botox?” – looks good at first, but once you get up close, there’s that “pretending” thing again.
When I have the privilege of being on the radio, there is always the tempation to not site whom I quote – to pretend I’m that wise, insightful, whatever….”it’s takes too much time”, “people don’t really care where it comes from as long as it’s good”, “hey, the resource folks say pretend it’s yours – we don’t want the credit” (on the last point, I think that’s very humble and generous – but I think it can sometimes be an unintentional tool of enablement and can perpetuate an environment that lacks accountability – just my opinion, of course – no offense to lifechurch.tv – they have excellent stuff) – let’s review the definition of pretend……..to give a false appearance – LET’S NOT PRETEND. How do we expect people to trust pretenders?
It feels so good when folks are touched by what the LORD chooses to say through me, but if I know that it isn’t something that the Holy Spirit just “dropped” into my head, and I know from where it came, I believe I have the responsibility to inform them of the source so they can do further study on their own. I think those of us who teach and/or lead will be held to a higher level of accountability because the Bible says we will. (Remember, I’ve said before that I’m a “zebra thinker” and some things are black and white to me).
I would feel absolutely terrible if on the day of judgment I discovered I cheated someone from growing more because I intentionally withheld information while I was ministering – pretending that it was just a random thought of my own – even if I was given permission to do so. What’s so hard about sharing resource information? It’s not. Really!
I know that this is a subject of contention in the church today. I read an article several months ago on Sermon Search where Steve Sjogren (sp?) and Rick Warren talk about this issue. There was a great story about a pastor in Africa with no resources and he was always so blessed that he could go to the local post office and download info from Warren’s pastors.com – all of RW’s sermons are available. I agree with Steve and Rick on this point, I think there is an arrogance in thinking that everything we say has to originate with us. I don’t think that’s practical or realistic, because we ALL use other people’s materials. We’re all “mentored” by someone (whether we realize it or not) Those very learned gentlemen have made resources available to assist teachers in their studies through recorded messages, transcripts, etc in the hope that it will help others in their learning process. (Bill Hybels is another leader who does the same – Andy Stanley too) However, as I reread that article I did not get the impression that they were encouraging a word for word rendering of their messages, nor encouraging others to use their material in lieu of their own time alone with God is study and prayer.
I, as a business person, find myself “marketing” things in my mind. I grew up in a family business where “R&D” in the early days was Mom and Dad discussing what the label would look like during suppertime! It’s in my DNA, I guess. - Is that wrong? I don’t think so – but lack of moderation in anything is unhealthy – even when it’s a “good” thing. In the spiritual context, sometimes you gotta let “the wind blow” – John 3:8. I think that we can “overmarket” things sometimes. I see it happening in the church. I think that we need to be appropriately prepared but we can’t orchestrate a “God moment” – that’s why it’s a God Moment – only He can do that. We have such a hard time remembering “His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts”. Sometimes I find myself, ridiculous as it seems, asking God, “why don’t you think about it like I do?” -DUH!!
In what areas of life do I pretend? I was asking myself this question this morning. Sometimes I pretend that I’m not really hurt when people accuse me of not caring just because I see things from another perspective. That I’m a troublemaker because I ask lots of questions. That my trust in people is predicated on developing an open dialogue where I can be real and not told “you don’t get it” – “you’re just thinking of yourself”, etc. I know I’m not correct all the time – and sometimes I “fire” before the “ready” – “aim”, which isn’t very smart. But in as much as I realize my own ability to be wrong – there are some that think it’s a weakness to admit that they are not always 100% all the time. It makes me think of The Fonz on Happy Days in the episode where he couldn’t get himself to utter the words, “I was wrong” – any of you Boomers out there remember that one? My sister LeeAnne use that as a measuring stick for pride……are they doing a “Fonz”? We chuckle – often times it’s because if we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. - Sometimes I do a “Fonz” – unsplendid!!
You might have noticed, I’m not at a very good “place” at the moment. That’s good. That means I’m not pretending. I’m looking for balance and wisdom. What’s worth the hassle and what isn’t? I kind of feel like the kid on the playground who was invited to play because they said “you’re good, we want you on our team” – but when I asked the captain “why do we play the game this way?” the answer I receive is “well, if you don’t like it, too bad – that’s just the way it is”.
I don’t like pretending (unless I’m singing karaoke – then I pretend I’m Cher – but I don’t where her clothes – Whew! not cool)……….pretending can be fun for a moment, but then it’s back to reality. I think where we miss the point is, reality isn’t bad – it’s not always fun – but it’s the truth. Jesus said He’s the truth – and truth sets us free. I don’t want to pretend that there’s a way to heaven other than Jesus. I’ll be disappointed if I do. Eternally.
Tired of pretending? Me too. – I’m 42 years old; I love Jesus Christ because He invited me into His reality, bled, suffered and died so that I don’t have to go to Hell because my sin seperated me from God the Father; I love my husband, kids, family and friends; I don’t love perfectly, because I’m not perfect. I cry when I feel rejected; I ache when I think of people being used and abused. (especially if I’ve hurt someone) I believe the Bible has all the answers I need – and the rest is up to God; I wonder why I’m at the places I’m at sometimes – but I remember Beth Ann reminds me of the words from the Book of Esther – “for such a time as this”; – I’m on vacation right now – I love seafood (seven days of lobster!!) – The clouds are passing, the rain is ceasing, the sun is shining here in Boston. It’s time to swim.
Peace. - Please pray for the family of Eva Yoder. She went home to be with Jesus last night after a 13 year battle with CF. Her parents Randy and Susan, brothers Zach and Christian have journeyed by her side throught this battle. I bet they’re tired. Let’s remember them as they grieve.